LIST: Seating chart questionnaire for “Every Lil’ Bit Matters” Annual Giving Gala

On Giving Tuesday, generous givers from across the globe gather under one roof to focus on what really matters: how much they’ve given back to humanity.

Image via Pixabay

In preparation for this year’s annual gala, celebrating global givers of all backgrounds, shapes, and donation sizes, please answer the following questions — as your responses will help the gala organizers determine where you should be seated.

1. I often, albeit randomly, throw change to homeless people. [Yes/No]
2. I’ve been known to anonymously drop a few extra dollars and cents in the offering plate during special holiday services (Easter and Christmas mostly). [Yes/No]
3. My jam is dumping old, yet completely usable, shoes in “Soles for Change” drive-by bins. [Yes/No]
4. When I buy shoes or spectacles, someone in a faraway country receives an identical (yet slightly cheaper, let’s be honest) version of the shoes I’ve just purchased. [Yes/No]
5. When I give, I receive a donation receipt and a thank you note via mail. [Yes/No]
6. When I give, I receive a donation receipt, a thank you note, and complimentary return address labels via mail. [Yes/No]
7. When I give, I receive a donation receipt, a thank you note, complimentary return address labels, and a thematic tote bag with a matching water bottle via mail. [Yes/No]
8. Because of a donation I made, my name is on a community park bench in Toledo. [Yes/No]
9. Because of a donation I made, my name is on the side of a building (I think it’s a community gym or something) in an obscure, dimly lit, low-trafficked area in an equally obscure, dimly lit, low-trafficked city. [Yes/No]
10. Because of a donation I made, my name is on the front of a building in a prominent location — and by that I mean a private university on a coast, it doesn’t really matter which one — and the front façade is lit up by strobe lights. [Yes/No]
11. Let’s put it this way: I have a football stadium and matching foundation with my name on it. [Yes/No]
12. When I give, entire cities — usually destroyed by hurricanes, earthquakes, or some other catastrophic tragedy — are rebuilt. Subsequently, I also have several streets (mostly avenues and parkways, those are the best ones FYI) named in my honor. [Yes/No]
13. As a result of my giving (not to mention general contributions I’ve made to society), at least 48 celebrity children have been named in my honor, and my godson is Justin Bieber. [Yes/No]
14. As a result of my giving, I’ve been able to smoothly adopt 18 children who are likely to be celebrities once they reach adulthood; possibly even by the time they are seven years old. [Yes/No]
15. Because of my giving, I’ve been invited to the last four presidential inaugurations and my last name is Kennedy, Vanderbilt, and/or Rockefeller. [Yes/No]
16. I recently funded XPRIZE along with Arianna Huffington and Larry Page (I’ve also smoked cigars with Richard Branson whilst visiting his private island. That’s not really relevant here, but I wanted to mention it). [Yes/No]
17. I recently funded a SpaceX trip to the Moon for “Make a Wish Foundation.” I kicked in a little extra so the participants could take a little jaunt around Mars (and possibly Jupiter!) on their way back to Earth. [Yes/No]
18. Due to my contributions, I was recently co-awarded a Nobel Peace Prize along with Oprah (Winfrey). [Yes/No]
19. I prefer to never speak publicly about how much or to whom I am giving because I find it to be in poor form.

Thank you for filling out the seating chart questionnaire for this year’s “Every Lil’ Bit Matters” Annual Gala — an event celebrating global givers of all backgrounds, shapes, and donation sizes.

Please note: If you answered “Yes” to questions 1 through 9 or 19, you will be seated in the catering kitchen out of sight and earshot from the rest of the attendees. Thank you for your understanding, and remember to keep giving because every lil’ bit matters!